How To Judge

Manager: I'm afraid the young man we hired last week isn't honest.

Clerk: Oh, you shouldn't judge a person by his Appearance.

Manager:I'm not – I'm judging him by his disappearance.

Mujhe shak hai meri

Sardar: Mujhe shak hai meri biwi ki chaddi tere bedroom main hai.

Pathan: Gadhay bhabhi chaddi nahi pehanti hai.


Sardar: Ary han! yaar faltu tujh pe shak kya.

Agar moqa mila to

Girl: Agar moqa mila to tum mujh se shadi karo ge...??



Boy: Agar moqa mil gaya to phir shadi kerne ki kiya zaroorat hai.

Evry thng is boring

Evry thng is boring
Without U
Nothing is same as B4
We all miss U
All hearts are praying 4 ur
Good health
Hope U will
"get well soon"
and join us back.

One Line SMS Jokes

*

HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press down* .............. HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press up*
*

Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: "noh ss!w !". it didn't make much sense until i read it upside down...
*

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry, NO BRAIN found...!
*

I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING FUN WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING.
*

All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose! Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.
*

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
*

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
*

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
*

Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
*

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
*

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
*

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
*

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
*

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
*

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
*

Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
*

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......
*

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...
*

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?
*

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
*

Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
*

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
*

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.
*

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
*

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this.
*

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
*

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
*

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
*

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, that's how u...eat an ice cream!
*

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
*

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
*

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you are an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
*

Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!
*

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
*

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
*

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
*

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
*

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
*

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
*

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
*

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
*

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
*

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
*

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
*

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
*

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

*

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
*

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
*

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
*

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Best Funny SMS in Urdu, Hindi and English

Chori chori ye ana jana chor do....
chupky chupky u nazr milana chor do..
kisi din bohat pito ge unse tum...
yeh masjidon se jotey churana chor do...

------------
Boy: Tum gaana bahut achcha aato ho.
Gal: Nahin, mein to sirf bathroom singer hoon.
Boy: To bulaao na kabhi, mehfil jamaate hain.
---------------------
Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys; Fun with Handsome Boys; Friendship with Charming Boys; Contacts with Intelligent Boys; Flirt with Freaky Boys; Love with Faithful Boys & in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy
-------------------
In a Japanese house a baby was born. It had tiny eyes, nose, ears and mouth; so they named him Ingwingwong. Soon a second baby was born. It also had tiny ears, eyes, nose and mouth. They named him Chingwingwong. Then the third was born. It had BIG ears, eyes, nose and mouth. The parents thought for long and at last named him Somethingwrong
----------------

Teri aankain jhuki jhuki

tera chehra khila khila

jab tere chehre per haath ghumaya

to aadha kilo fair & lovely mila

-----------------

Vo sochte honge usko aksar,

jo hamein unke salaam de jaati hai,

vo kya jaane unhein choone waali hawa bhi,

hamein unke saare paigaam de jaai hai!

-----------------

Someday u may lose ur hair.

u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.

But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.

coz u cant lose wot u don't have!

-----------------

You look so fine!I want to...

break your heart and give you mine

-----------------

Be someone with a big broad smile,
try 2 be happy all the day while...
When things go wrong dont get blue...
Just smile n say "_____" where r u?

-----------------

l

Me

My Self

Yes Me

l

Really

Truly

Unstopably

Unmistakenly

R
E
A
LLY

Faithfully

have

2 say

that

today is sUNDAY!
Enjoy!

-----------------

I like seeing u,
I like hearing u,
I like 2 spend my time with u.

But U r always surrounded by others,
as u r the main attraction of the...
"ZOO"

-----------------

In friendship,
words can go unspoken,
yet still be understood.
That's why I am sure that though
I don't say it often, you know how much
i value you.

Take care ,

-----------------

Do U need a FACELIFT?
ThR's 1 thT's FREE, always handy,
makes u LUK younger & has no undesirable side effects.

Friendship and Love SMS Shairy

Urdu Love SMS
Who IK Dost jo pyara sa Lagta Hain,
Bahut Pass Hai Dil k Phir bhi Juda Sa Lagta hain,
Bahut Dino Se Aaya Nahi Koi Paigam Uska,
Shayad Kisi Baat Pe Khafa sa Lagta hain-hassan ali
************
Tumharay bin nahi rehna, Mujhe Tumse Muhabbat Hai,
Hai tumse bas yehi kehna, Mujhe Tumse Muhabbat Hai,

Zaban to keh nahi sakti, Tumhain Ehsaas to hoga,
Meri aankhon ko parh lena, Mujhe Tumse Muhabbat Hai,

Tumharay naam kardi hai, Ye puri Zindagi apni,
Bhalay he dukh paray sehna, Mujhe Tumse Muhabbat Hai,

Humhain Ehsaas hai tumko bhi humse pyar hai lekin...
Ye meray saamnay kehna, Mujhe Tumse Muhabbat Hai.
************
Aankhon ko intazar ki aadat si ho gai,
Yun he Khayal-e-Yaar ki aadat si ho gai,
Aur doosra koi mily bhi to dil dil manta he nahi,
Humko tere pyaar ki aadat si ho gai.
************
zindagi to ek khwab hai,
woh zindagi kiya jismay khwab nahi hotay,
hath ke lakiron ko kismat na samajhna,
kismat unke bhi hote hai, zinkay hath nahi hotay.
************
Ro Chuka Hu Me Itna Mujhe Kya Rulaega Koi,
Sun Chuka Hu Me Sab Kuch Mujhe Kya Bataega Koi,
Azmana Chahte Ho To Azmake Dekh Lo Mujhe,
Main Ek Bujhi Hui Shama Hu Mujhe Kya Bujhaega Koi !!!!!
************
Jab mujhe chorr ke ek din tu chali jaaye gi
kasam khuda ki mujhe teri yaad bohat aaye gi
jab kabhi lage gi towkar tere pathar dil ko
tab ja kar kahin tu apne kiye pe pachtaaye gi
************
AshkoN ko humne kayi baar roka,
phir bhi na jane kyoN ankheN dhoka de gayi,
Bharosa to tha hameiN apne aap par magar,
unka zikr aate hi naa jane kyoN palkeN nam ho gayi.
************
jaane waale chale jaate hain dost......
yaadein bhi khaak ho jaati hain.....
bas kuchh palon ki baatein hain.....
fir to parchhai bhi saath chhod jaati hai...
************
KABHI HUM BHEEGTE HAIN CHAAHTON KI TEZ BAARISH MEIN........
KABHI BARSON NAHI MILTE KISI HALKI SI RANJISH MEIN........ ..
BOHUT HAIN ZAKHAM IS DIL MEIN MAGAR EK ZAKHAM AISA HAI......
JAL UTHATA HAI RAATON MEIN JO LOTA DETA HAI BAARISH MEIN......
************
Jis shaam mere lab per tera naam na aaye...,
Khuda kare aisi shaam na aaye...;
Aai jaane wafa, ye kabhi mumkin hi nahin...,
Afsaana likhnu aur tera naam na aaye..!!!!
************
Wishwas ban ker log jindgi me ate hai wo
khwab banker ankho me sama jate hai wo
pahle to yakin dilate hai ki wo hamare hain
fir jane kuo tanha bana jata hai wo.
************
Log apna banake chhod dete hain,
Rishta gairo se jod lete hain,
Hum to ek Phool bhi na tod sake,
Log to dil bhi tod dete hain,
************
Ankho Me Mehfooz Rakhna Sitaro Ko
Aab Dur Talak Sirf Raat Hogi
Musafir Tum Bhi Ho Musafir Hum Bhi Hai
Kisi Na Kisi Mod Par Fir Mulakat Hogi..
************
Silsila pyar ka na khatam hua,,
juda hokar bhi ishq na kam hua,,
Vaada jinse kiye humse,,
Woh dard dekar,,Bewafa hua......... .
************
Bhari mehfil mein tanha mujhe rehna sikha diya,
Tere pyar ne duniya ko jhoothha kehna sikha diya,
Kisi dard ya khushi ka ehsaas nahin hai ab to,
Sab kucch zindagi mein chup-chaap sehna sikha diya
************
English Love SMS
Love is like magic
And it always will be.
For love still remains
Life's sweet mystery!!
Love works in ways
That are wondrous and strange
And there's nothing in life
That love cannot change!!
************
You know you are in love,

When you see the world in her eyes,

And her eyes everywhere in the world.
************
I have a new camera your snap please...
don't move
1
2
3
Smile Please
ready
ohho
Those who live in someones heart can't have a snap!!!
************
I wrote your name in the sky,
But the wind blew it away,

I wrote your name in the sand,
But the waves washed it away,

I wrote your name in my heart,
And Forever it will stay.

I will LOVE you forever.
************
As days go by,
My feelings get stronger,
To be in your arms,
I can’t wait any longer,
.
Look into my eyes,
You’ll see that it’s true,
Day and Night my
Thought is You.
************
A Bf Brought Present 4 His GF

GF(After Opening): What D Hell Wud I Do Wid Dis Diwali Rocket?

BF: U Wanted Stars Na?

GF: Now Sit On It N Get Lost!
************
Luv is like a cloud.
Luv is like a dream.
Luv is 1 word and everything in between.
Luv is a fairytale come true.
Coz I found luv when I found U.
************
We've known each other,
For a long long time,
But I never really noticed,
All the magic in your eyes,
I've been around you,
A thousand times before,
And you've always been a friend to me,
But now I'm wanting more.
************
Love is not how long u've been together;
Not how much u've given or receive;
Not how many times u've helped each other.
It's how u value each other.

Urdu Funny SMS and Jokes

Urdu Funny SMS

Sms karenge hum ek duje ko bari bari,
Hame lagti hai ye rasam badi pyari,
Ye sms milte hi 1 sms bhej dena,
Kyuki hame bilkul pasand nahi Udhari
_________________
exams ke 4 din pehle syllabus dekha to yaad aaya
KUCH TO HUA HAI KUCH HO GAYA HAI,
exams ke din paper dekh kar yaad aaya
SAB KUCH ALAG HAI SAB KUCH NAYA HAI.
_________________


Hotho se jo choo liya,
Ehsaas Aab tak hai,
Aankhe Nam hai, Aur sanso mein Aag aab tak hain...
Aur kyo na ho... Khayi Bhi to 'HARI Mirchi...'-hai...
_________________
Is dil mein yaadon ke mele hain,
tum bin bahut akele hain,
sab kuch chodke tume SMS kar rele hain,
dekho hum kitne wele
_________________
Nazar tumhari, Nazar hamari,
Nazar ne dil ki nazar utari,
Nazar ne dekha nazar ko aise,
ki nazar dosti ko lage na hamari.
_________________
R=Rehmat
A=Aitkaf
M=Madad
Z=Zakat
A=Aman
N=Nazaz
Mubarak to all my momin Musalman...
may "ALLAH" fulfil ur all wish iz Ramzan & do pray all time urz
_________________

Boy: O Bewafa tune Shadi Q ki?
Mera Dil jal k Raakh ho gaya...
Girl: Fikr na kar tumhari Raakh bekar na jayegi...
Yahan bhej do Bartan dhone k kaam aayegi.
_________________

Hanjuaan Da Vapaar Karan Di Aadat Hai,
Pathraan Naal Pyaar Karan Di Aadat Hai,
Jhootha Hi Wada Kar Le Sohneya,
Saanu Ta Aetbaar Karan Di Aadat Hai...
_________________

uttho! ye koi sone ka waqt hai.,
jab dekho sote rehte ho.,
saari umar so so ke bitani hai kya?,
ab mujhe reply mat karna., im sleeping.
_________________
tum hasate bahut ho,
man ko bhate bahut ho
ji chahata hai le jao tumhe dinner par
kambakht tum khate bahut ho
_________________
School Mein Ishq Ka Naya Mahool Tyar Ho Gaya,
Class Ki Teacher Ko Papu Se Pyar Ho Gaya,
Iss Baat Se Sari Class Ka Dil Udas Ho Gaya,
Sari Class Fail, Aur..... Papu Pass Ho Gaya
_________________

khuda apko khush rakhe....!
khuda apko slamat rakhe...!
khuda apki umar lambi kre...!
khuda apko naukry de....!
khuda apko chokri de....!
seekh lia na,,,
chal ab utha ktora or shoroo ho ja....
_________________

on ur single smile thousands of people die
so keep smiling and reduce the population of Pakistan
but don't smile in front of mirror
warna lene k dene par jain ge FPRIVATE "TYPE=PICT;ALT=Wink"

_________________

Jalebi Ko Female Dish Kyun Kaha Jata Hai?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kyun K Ye Kabhi Seedhi Nahi Ho Sakti. . . .
_________________

Memon apne Bachy Ko mar rha tha,
Us K Dost ne pocha, q mar rahy ho?

Memon: yar ye toilet jana chata he.
Dost:to Kya hoa, jane do.

Memon:Nai yar,isy phr Bhook lag jye gi.
_________________

Ek bacha paida hote he Nurse se bola mobile hy?


Nusre: Hai lekin kya krna hai?


Bacha: Khuch nai bs girl friend ko sms krna hy
k khariat se pohanch gya hon.
_________________


Mareez: Dr sahab mujhay door ka nazar nahi aata.
Doctor: Aasman per dekho wo kia hy?

Mareez: Chand.
Doctor: Aby is say dhoor kia Farishtay dekhay ga?
_________________

Har shaam charaghon se saja rakhi hai,
Shart humne hawaon se laga rakhi hai,

Na jane kis taraf se tum aajao,
Is liye har Taraf MORTEIN COiL jala rakhi hai.

English Funny SMS

A deep friend is like rainbow, when the perfect amount of happiness and tears r mixed, the result is a colorful bridge

between hearts.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

FRIENDSHIP isn't how U forGet but how U forGive, Not how U liSten but how U UnderStand, Not what U see but how U feel, and

not how U Let Go but how U hold oN!!!
0
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

KeEping a FRIEND is As Difficult AS losing one. U sacrifice A lot To keep them. I may not have sacrificed enuf u... but in my

HEART I swear I'm keeping U..

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have Friendship, each

day is never a waste.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Its not an achievement to make 000's friends in a year, but an achievement is when you make a friend for 000's years.

To live a life i need heartbeat, have heartbeat i need a heart, have heart i need happiness, to have happiness i need a

friend, and a friend i need U.ALWAYS
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Moon said to me, if ur friend is not messaging u why dont you leave ur friend.I looked at moon and said does ur sky ever

leave u when u dont shine.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Zindagi mein hamesha naye dost milenge, kahi zyada to kahin kum milenge. Aitbaar zara soch kar karna, mumkin nahi tumhe har

jagah HUM milenge.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Sweetness can be defined without honey.
Fragnance can be defined without Rose.
But, friendship can't be defined without YOU.
0
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Friend is one, who (Finds you in a (Rush of people, (Inspires you to do something in life, catch your (Emotions and (Never

leaves you till (Death.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Dard jitna saha jaye utna hi sehna, Kisi ke dil ko jo lag jaye vo baat na kehna, Milte hain hamare jaise dost bahut kam,

Isline humse 'Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna'
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

As I saw ants crawl up the wall, I noticed that no matter how busy they are, they still stop and communicate with each other.

I hope we can be like them.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Friendship is not a big fire which burns all day. Its a small lamp, that burns till the last day of life.
0
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Medicines and friendships cure our problems. The only difference is that friendships don't have an expiry date.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Friendship never speaks volumes, it never demands proof, it never has a happy ending too simply coz it doesn't end as long as

friends r true, just like U!


If ur friendship be money, I'll be richest man. If ur friendship be pounds, I'll be heaviest man. If ur friendship be luv,

I'll be luckiest man. But ur friendship is trust & I'm the happiest man
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Walk with me when ur hearts needs company, take my hand when u feel all alone, turn to me when u need some to lean on, coz

I'm a friend u can always depend on
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Every morning when I open my eyes I pray to God that everyone should have a friend like u.Why should only I suffer!
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Heart beat are countless, spirits are ageless, dreams r endless, memories are timeless and a friend like u is Useless. Oops!

Sorry Yaar, Priceless
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Dosti insaan ki zaroorat hai, dilon pe dosti ki hukamat hai aap k pyar ki wajah se zinda hain warna khuda ko bhi hamari

zarorat hai..
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

FEW RELATIONS IN EARTH NEVER DIE..
Take first letter from each word of the above said statement & then u will get that unique word...
FRIEND :=
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----

Hamaare to daaman mein kaanto ke siva kuch nahin. Aap to phoolon ke kharid-daar nazar aate hain. Jahan mein kitne dost mile

hume par sabse ache aap nazar aate hain..

Funny SMS

I cant find reason y GOD made u close 2 me,

but thats not question 2 be asked.

May be question is :

How did HE know I needed a FRIEND lik U.?

_________________

yakin har rishte ki buniyaad hota hain ,

tut jaaye agar to judna mushkil hota hain ,

kehna aasan hain humain yakin nahi hain tumpe,

lekin dard is cheez ka be-panah hota hain.

_________________

Baithe tere khayalo main,

kore kagaj pe likh dala tera naam,

tasvir bhi utaar dali aur likha ye paigam:

Zinda ya Murda,pakadne wale ko 500 ka inaam!!

_________________

When The World Is Spinning Around You,
And Ur Heart Is Beating Fast,
You Think Is It Love?
No Stupid You Have Got High Bp...

_________________

DREAMS
makes all things possible
HOPES
makes all things work
LOVE
makes all things beautiful
SMILE
makes all above possible

So always smile

_________________

Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de
tadap raha hu ab aur na intzaar de
Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna
Kam se kam 1 Missed call hee maar de
_________________

Kiss is not like Nokia...Connecting People
Kiss is not like Nike..Just Do It.
Kiss is not like Pepsi..Yeh Dil Maange More
But Kiss is like Pan Parag..Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga...
_________________

TUSI bade hi gr8 ho,
RASGULLE ki pl8 ho,
PEPSI ka cr8 ho,
ANDE ka oml8 ho,
SMS KARNE ME bade le8 ho,
JALEBI ki tarah stra8 ho,
KHER jo bhi ho mere fevr8 ho...!