Monday, April 20, 2009

Latest SMS Jokes

Doctor patient k peche bhag raha tha.

Ek admi ne pocha kya hua?

Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai
sala brain ka opreation karwane aata hai

aur baal katwa k chala jata hai.
************ ********* ********* *******

Ek pagal roz apne kitchen main jata,

sugar box kholta aur band kar deta,

Why?

Because Dr. Ne jo kaha tha k apni sugar roz check karna.
************ ********* ********* *******

Pathan girl friend ko ghar le gaya,

Sab darwaze khirkiyan band kardin,

Parde gira diye light off kar k us k pass aya aur kaha :

dekho humara watch main light jalta hai.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Literal Translations from English to Hindi

How do you do?
* Kaise karte ho?

Keep in touch!
* Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out!
* Chalo bahar latakte hain !

Have a nice day!
* Achcha din lo!

What's up?
* Uppar kya hai?

You're kidding!
* Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don't kid me!
* Mera bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What's up?
* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

She's so fine!
* Woh itnee baareek hai!

Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?
* Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek?

Cool man!
* Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man!
* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Hey good looking; what's cooking?
* Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?

Are you nuts?
* Kya aap akhrot hain?

Son of a gun.
* Bachcha bandook ka.

Rock the party.
* Party mein patthar pheko.

Don't mess with me, dude.
* Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

One Line SMS Jokes

*

HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press down* .............. HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press up*
*

Last night i wanted to send u a msg, but all i could write was: "noh ss!w !". it didn't make much sense until i read it upside down...
*

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry, NO BRAIN found...!
*

I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING FUN WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING.
*

All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose! Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.
*

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
*

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
*

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
*

Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.
*

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
*

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
*

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
*

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
*

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
*

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
*

Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
*

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......
*

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...
*

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?
*

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
*

Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
*

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
*

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.
*

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
*

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this.
*

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
*

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
*

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
*

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, that's how u...eat an ice cream!
*

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
*

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
*

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you are an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
*

Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!
*

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
*

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
*

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
*

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
*

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
*

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
*

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
*

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
*

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
*

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
*

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
*

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
*

Q: What does a blonde owl say?

A: What, what?

*

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
*

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
*

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
*

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Friday, April 10, 2009

My Latest Collection of Funny SMS / Jokes

Funny SMS

Pathan 2 doctor: Mujhey 1 problem hay
DR:Kia?

Pathan: Bat karty waqt admi dikhai nahin deta
Dr: Aisa kub hota hay?

Pathan: Phone kartay waqt.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Maths Teacher Was Teaching Mathematical Conversions

Teacher: If 1000 Kgs = Ton. Then

For 3000 Kgs =How Much?

Santa:
Ton! Ton! Ton!
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Man sees Sardar-G standing in d middle of a huge field of grass & notices,

He is just standing dere, doing nothing, looking @ nothing

Man asks: Sardar-G What r U doing?

Sardar-G: I’m trying 2 win a noble prize

Man: How?

Sardar-G: Well I heard they give d noble prize 2 ppl who r outstanding in their field.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Funny SMS Forum
Teacher: How Do You Differentiate "WIFE" & "MOTHER"

SARDAR:
Before Marriage We Sleep With "MOTHER"

&

After Marriage
We Sleep With Our "WIFE"
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Pyar krne wale log UFoNE se bat krte ha
Knjus Z0nG se
Amer Jazz se
Khbsurt WARID se
Ziddi TELENOR se
Lekin zaheen log kbhi bat nai krte
Wo mri trha
SMS
karte hain.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Kiyon jaagte ho? Kia sochte ho?
Kuch humse kaho, Tanha na raho,

Socha na karo.
Ab raat ki ankhen bheegh chaleen aur CHAND b ha chup jane ko.
Kuch dair mein shabnam aye gi pholon ki piyaas bujhane ko.
Shadaab shagoofon ki soorat khuwabon k nagar mein kho jao
Ab,,,,so jao
Ab,,,,so jao...
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Sardar saw a very high Airtel Tower
& Red Light glowing on the top:

Seeing this he said: India is developing fast,
See there are traffic signals for Aeroplane in the air.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 Hathora
or keel chahiye computer k lye.

Sales man: Magar computer me inka kia kam?
Sardar:Oye yar mujhe computer mein windows lagani hai.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Ek Sardar:
Oye Badmashaa meri paen da dupatta wapis kar de.

Badmash: Chal Oye Chal Tu ki karen ga.

Sardar: Peeko karani se.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Man:Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kia karte ho?
Sardar:AC k pas ja k beth jata hon

Man:Agar phir bhi garmi lagay to?
Sardar:To A/C on kar laita hon :p
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

1 Sardar Police Station K Bahar Se
Guzra Aur Poster Pe Parha

"Wanted For RAPE & MURDER .."

Sardar Ne Andar Ja Ker Kaha:
"I Want To Apply For This Job"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Teacher: Story Sunao.

Sardar:1 din hum un k ghar gaye to woh soye howay thay
1 din wo hamare ghar aye to hum soye howa thay.

Moral: Jesa karo gay, waisa bharo gay
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Doctor: Bachey ko paani
dene se pehle boil ker lena chahiye.




Sardar: Lekin Janab, Boil karne se bacha marr tou nahi jaye ga.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Train me 1 Machchar Chinese ka sir per betha,
Woh usko pakar kar kha gaya!

Phir 1 Machchar Memon k sir par betha,
Usne pakar kar Chinese se pucha:




Khareeday Ga?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Hum khud pe "GHAROOR" nhi karty.

Kisi ko dosti k liye "MAJBOOR" nhi karty.

Bus apny dil may basa lety hain.

AUR PHIR


Marty dam tak "DOOR" nhi karty!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Ishq Ka Jis Ko Bhi Khuwab Aajata Hai...
Waqt Samjho Kharab Aajata Hai...

Mehboob Aaye Ya Na Aaye Janaab...
Taaray Gin Gin K Hisaab Aajata Hai...!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Agr basanti ki mausi thakur ko rakhi bandhy to Veeru & thakur ka kia rishta hua?
.
.
.
.
.
Apna kaam karo Koi rishta nahi banta, Thakur k hath hi nhi thy.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Aik larki buhat piyasi thi achanak usay ALA-DIN ka CHIRAGH mila.

Usne usay ragra aur JIN se kaha: Meri piyas bhujao

JIN:
PEPSI wali

Ya
IMRAN HASHMI wali?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Pathan ki girlfriend ne usko message kya:

"I Miss U"



Bohat dair sochny k baad Pathan ne jawab dya:

"I Student U"
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Sardar writes 2 Bill Gates abt PC & Windows problems:

1. My child learnd MS WORD now he wants MS SENTENCE.

2. I find only
RE-CYCLE BIN but no
RE-MOTORCYCLE BIN

3. I see MS OFFICE but i want to use this softwre @ home so i need MS HOME.

4. Finally, how is dat ur name is GATES but u r selling WINDOWS.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Latest Funny SMS / Jokes - April 2009

Funny SMS
Why MEMONS are banned to play Hockey and Football?

Because....

Corner miltay he DUKAAN khol letay hain. :-)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Zardari SMS
Remember!

Divorce is never a solution!
Try to stay away for few years.
If differences still persist.

Just

.

.

Kill Your Wife.

Asif Ali Zardari

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

A Sardar's Speach to his workers in England:

"Do do, not do not do,
What my goes?
Your goes your father's goes."

In His Sense:

Karna hai karo, Nahi karna na karo,
Mera ki janda aye?
Twada janda aye tay Twaday Piyo da janda aye. :-D

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Count How Many Stars in this SMS
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Amazing
Pehli Bar CHAND ko Sitare Ginte Dekha hay
or ab Muskurate hue bhi. :-)

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Height Of Self-Confidence

Teacher Asks Student:
"Why Are You Late... ?"

Student: "Late .. !!!
Who Me ... ?
No Way Sir ! I''m Alive ..."

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Women's day per aik larki ne Pathan se kaha:
"Aapko pata hai aaj Women's Day hai?"

Pathan ne ghabra kar kaha: Kamaal hai jab hum ghar se nikla tha tab to TUESDAY Tha.

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Don't keep Me in your Heart,
But keep Me in your Brain,

Bcoz

Rehnay ki jaga jitni Khali ho utna he Maza aata hai.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Laado De Lashkare Jag Mag Kapre Sare!

O Laado Sabun...
O Laado Sabun...

Ye Commercial BREAK Tha

Now

U Continue Ur Work Jo Kr Rahe Thay ;->

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Son: Mom mubarik ho, meri 7 Janmo k liay job lag gai hai.

Mom: Acha beta wo kon si?

Son: Mujhay Star Plus ki Serial me kaam mil gya hai..

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Any body can love a Rose
But it takes a great deal to love a leaf.
Dont love some one who is beautiful,
But love the who can make u r life beautiful...

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Load Shedding SMS
Ye Badalti Rutain
Ye Dubte Huey Arman
Ye Terti Hui Musafatain
Ye Jalte Diye
Ye Pighalte Huey Badan
Ye Bhujti Shamen
Ye Kch Or Nhi Srf
.
.
.
KESC Ki Beghairti Hy.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Chahtey hen woh Faraz hum se Aisi chahat ka waada!

*

*

*

Chahtey hen woh Faraz hum se Aisi chahat ka waada!
12 rupay ka Lemon Max, ghulay kum aur chalay zyada...

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Zarori Elaan!

1st May se bijli bilkul khatam ho jay gi,

1st May se tamam log apnay apnay UPS

Wapda k kissi bhi office se recharge karwa saktay hain.

Shukria.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

2009 K BAAD 2010 AYEGA,

Snday k baad Mnday Ayega,

Puray mahinay light nhi bill phr b Ayega,

Hum to Apse sirf itna hi kahenge,

K

"AESA KAROGE TO KON AAYEGA"

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This is an Adult SMS
If You are under 18 years please don't go through it and Quit, If you are Above or equal 18 then go through it.

Elections aa Rahe hain.(ELECTIONS ARE COMMING).

So Pls do vote.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Do u know boys left hand or girls right hand me watch kyn pehante hain??

Guess

s0cho

Simple,

Time dekhne k Ly ;-)

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"Zarday" Aur "Zardari" mein kia farq hy ... ?

Ek ko Khushi mein khatey hyn

Aur

Duusra Khushion ko kha jata hai.